Mystery Dog

To be honest, I have no idea what this is about. It started as an instrumental noodle, then the chorus impressed itself on me, then I wrote the words down without really thinking about it, and now I’m supposed to take responsibility for it. It’s entirely possible that I gave it the title when it was still an instrumental noodle. I do like it, it’s just that I have no idea what it’s about. Corrupt old men coming to an unspecified sticky end. So surprisingly upbeat for one of my things.

It has a spoken rather than sung verse, because… because I couldn’t think of a tune, I suppose. It reminds me of the very fine Danish/Scottish duo Livingstone’s Kabinet, who I’d recommend very highly.

It was also uploaded as part of the 2009 Upload Splurge, though obviously has been remixed for this time.

Post-War Glamour Girl

Metafilter (MeFi) is a sort of mass-blog site – people post links to interesting things they’ve found on the internet, and then argue endlessly about them. There’s a sub-site called Metafilter Music (MeFiMu), to which members can upload tracks, and they do monthly challenges. On one occasion the challenge was to set a John Cooper Clarke poem to music.

Curiously, when I started writing songs, I used to use JCC poems for lyrics as I really couldn’t write them for myself, so this particular challenge attracted me. I didn’t use any of the music I’d written all those years ago (as it wasn’t very good, if I could remember it at all, which I mostly couldn’t), but the challenge coincided with me playing around with a particular set of chords, so a song was engendered.

This is completely remixed from the version I uploaded to MeFi. As I’ve decided that I can’t just give away other people’s words, if you do download it and pay for it, I’ll send the money to JCC. Not entirely sure how – send him a postal order or something, I suppose – but as it will be available for streaming anyway, my apparent moral stand is rather undermined by the harsh realities of web distribution. Or something.

Please note, there are several swear words in it, mostly towards the beginning. Also a lot of terms of art that sex workers use, that went completely over my head when I was fifteen.


A short (very short) piece in which I’m trying out combinations of brass instruments in Logic. Possibly come in useful to anyone who needs a short fanfare, for grand entrances and so forth. And who doesn’t, eh?

Sensitive Boy

Another very old song – I think I might have played it first at Bunjies. It’s that old. The barebones acoustic version is on The Secret Agent’s Dream, although this recording is in some ways even older – I recorded the basic tracks for this in 1998 – the guitar and vocals are the ones I recorded then (I think). This was before virtual instruments, so the drums were originally fed back out to my drum machine and each individual sound recorded to its own track. Later (2001-2002-ish?) I added electric guitar and organ and rerecorded the bass.

At some point I successfully extracted the MIDI tracks and original recordings from Cubase and put them into Logic.

When I was last uploading, I remixed it completely, and turned the drums into modern virtual instruments. This version is remixed and remastered all over again.

These things are very complicated.

Business cards

Business Cards

By the way, I made some business cards. Such is the power of MooCards’ advertising. They’re designed to fit in with the various backgrounds I’ll be giving the website throughout the year (have I spoiled the surprise there…?). Obviously, the idea of giving out business cards is to promote what you’re doing on a one-to-one basis, but when I’ve tried this in the past, people have looked at me as though I’ve just handed them a haddock or a copy of the TV Times from 1973.

This is by way of saying if you’re in the market for a haddock or a 1973 TV Times (metaphorically speaking – if you want either of those things actually, I’d direct you to Borough Market or VinMag respectively) get in touch.
No, wait, I’ve wandered off into strangeness again… Look: I made business cards. I don’t really have a business, as such, but if you like them (and I think they’re very pretty, actually), contact me and I’ll send you one, or some. Until they run out.

There are also a few left that I made to go with Another Time. They look like this (that is to say, they look like the cover of the album, but smaller and less square):